She was only four years old. The attitude of her young age, made her hope still in something. Everywhere, she was discreet, always behind her big brother, who wanted to take all the attention. He didn't want a sister, he had lived alone some years and he had loved that. When she had arrived, he was not really glad, but he must have accepted to give her, her own place. She had now taken her place, and showed that she didn't need anyone,

she was very autonomous in spite of her very young age.

The day after of her fourth year, all was changed. Indeed, she did not know that, this famous day, I would arrive. I was not exceptionnal but I was the thing that she would have wanted since she was born : a sister. She could not believe that I had arrived. I remember her eyes. Her beautiful eyes full of kindness and love. It was amazing what she could bring with each of her steps. She was amazing, and she is still amazing. She was in charge of me, and she has played with me so much. She showed me what I could or could not do. She was my model : she led me in the good way. I could not do anything without her point of view. She was all for me. She was strong and I admired her. If she wanted to do something, I wanted straight away the same thing. Some thought I had not personality, but that was not the case,

I just thought through her.

The more she grew up, the more she wanted to de independente. I did not understand, I did not see the difference, I was so young.  I wanted always to be with her, but she wanted always to be far from me. That was hard. I cried and she was tired of me. It was the beginning of a long fight between us. Each grew at her rate, that's why there were many problems of comprehension. Always the word to hurt the other. Underline our differences, and in the way to hurt, underline the other's fault. I wanted just the conflict because that was the only way for her to look at me... And one day, she left me. She could not put up with me any more. That was too much. I did not want that, I was so sorry, but I could not tell her.

I was lost without her.

Nevertheless, as she had left, we could speak normally, I was so joyful. There were no conflicts any more : the war was over. Since always, I trust her so much and I knew I could tell her all I wanted. And one day, I was so surprised. She has never been able to trust me, because of my ‘non-respect' of the secret. But that day, she has cried in front of me, and told me what was wrong. I was listening to her. I was sad for her. She is like a part of me. Now, she knows that I'll be there for her. She knows that she can tell me what she wants, I can keep a secret. I have just grown up.  Day after day, our relation is better and sometimes, only one look is enough for us to understand the other...

I look in the mirror. There's nothing any more. Leave this reality. Go somewhere to be able to dream again. And again. Because something is gone. A need of escape. Escape all of that. All I never say. All I never show. All that, only in me. Always afraid of somehing. Afraid again and again. Nobody understand? Maybe. Maybe not. That's the free way. Stay there. Or not. Go everywhere. Fly away from all, far from that. Make my dreams real. I have no dreams any more.

Never mind.

C'est si facile de rêver. Encore un peu d'espoir. Ah non, tu as sans doute raison, il n'y en a plus. C'est dommage, la vie paraissait belle. Les espoirs s'envolent toujours mais ils nous oublient. J'ai juste besoin d'ouvrir les yeux. Non laisse moi rêver. Tout y est plus beau. Les étoiles y brillent toujours. Elles ne m'ont pas abandonné là-bas. On va la retrouver cette étoile. J'sais déja que tu vas m'aider. Tu m'aides déjà toi, tu sais. Pis on trouvera le moyen de le supprimer ce coeur. On trouvera le moyen d'oublier. Perdre. Et retrouver. Mais toujours garder le sourire. Et rire. Merci tu m'fais rire.
Pleurer aussi mais bon... Les mots sont touchants parfois. Et marquant, t'as raison. Pourquoi là, je m'adresse à toi?

"I'm losing my mind and I don't think it's clever..."

"Tu veux pas le prendre dans l'autre sens?   -Qui ça?"    [Hihi sacré toi.]

"Oh my darling, oh my darling, oh my darling clementine thou art lost and gone forever, dreadful sorry, Clementine."

[Because this film is so beautiful. And now, you know why.]

La folie m'atteint parfois. Enfin plutôt souvent. On va même jusqu'à me dire que j'suis déséquilibrée. Ah les angliscistes. En tout cas, un jour, promis, pour toi, j'aurais les cheveux bleus. Ce jour là, ton regard sur moi changera non? J'crois que si. Et pas que le tien d'ailleurs... La vie est courte après tout. Partons maintenant et voyageons. J'veux faire le tour du monde. Un jour, j'le ferais. Enfin j'espère.

"Dreaming my dreams...."